The Dance of Therapy: Attunement, Undertreating and TIBs
Therapy, at its essence, is like a dance—an ebb and flow of connection, rhythm, and responsiveness. This delicate dance thrives on attunement, the...
5 min read
KD Holmes, LPC
:
Aug 25, 2023 8:35:49 AM
Cults have a strange allure. Like many others, I find myself riveted by shows and documentaries that explore their dynamics. There is disbelief, fascination, and yes, even awe, woven into every scene—a visceral reaction to the extremes of human behavior. What drives individuals to surrender their autonomy to the will of another? What gives leaders such intoxicating power over their followers?
Cults are infamous for their devastating outcomes, ranging from cultural and emotional abuse to physical and sexual abuse. Yet, for all their notoriety as societal outliers, they illuminate parallels in other areas—self-help groups, workplaces, and even therapy settings. It’s a sobering thought for those of us who dedicate ourselves to helping others. How can we, as therapists, ensure safety, accountability, and ethical responsibility in the sacred space of the therapy room?
Human beings are biologically wired for connection. Throughout history, the need for community has been a crucial factor in our survival, shaping civilizations and reinforcing shared values. On an evolutionary level, being part of a group meant the difference between life and death. This innate drive to belong explains why exclusion is so painful—it triggers the same primal survival instinct, leaving us feeling isolated, rejected, and unsafe.
When this fundamental human need is paired with neglect or abuse in early life, it becomes an even more powerful force. Those longing to fill emotional voids or seeking a sense of safety and acceptance are especially vulnerable to groups like cults that promise belonging. Unfortunately, that same vulnerability can leave individuals exposed to manipulation and exploitation.
Picture this. You’re raised in an environment cut off from the outside world. Strict rules govern every aspect of your life, and stepping outside those bounds leads to severe consequences—threats of hell, death, or irreparable harm to yourself and your loved ones.
Now, amplify this isolation with promises of salvation. You are told your soul’s fate, and that of your family, rests on your unwavering devotion to the group. Education is limited, and your worldview is shaped solely by the doctrines that permeate your home and community. Without exposure to alternative perspectives, you can’t imagine a life beyond the group—leaving feels more terrifying than staying.
Isolation doesn’t just restrict you physically—it narrows thought, limits growth, and stifles individuality. Breaking away becomes nearly impossible when the outside world feels alien and hostile.
Indoctrination is the steady, almost hypnotic process of teaching individuals to accept a set of beliefs without question. Cults use indoctrination masterfully, blending social pressure, controlled information, and emotional manipulation to keep members in line. This subtle erosion of your self-identity is followed by an almost euphoric connection with the group. The sense of belonging entices followers, and the influence of the group combines to strengthen the followers' bond with it.
Repetition of Core Messages: Constantly reinforcing group ideals.
Information Suppression: Filtering out alternative ideas and dissenting viewpoints.
Social and Emotional Pressure: Leveraging groupthink to encourage conformity.
Rewards and Punishments: Rewarding compliance while ostracizing or penalizing dissent.
Us Versus Them Mentality: Creating a clear dichotomy between the in-group and outsiders.
Exploitation of Fear: Using strong emotions like fear and guilt to control behavior.
People often assume indoctrination is reserved for religious or extremist groups, but manipulation isn’t confined to such contexts. Self-help movements, political ideologies, and even well-meaning organizations sometimes fall into these patterns, albeit unintentionally.
For therapists, understanding the mechanisms of indoctrination is crucial—not only for helping clients untangle themselves from manipulative dynamics but also for avoiding such pitfalls within our practice. Indoctrination often involves subtle psychological techniques that can lead individuals to adopt beliefs or behaviors without critical examination. This can happen in various contexts, such as cults, toxic relationships, or controlling workplaces. Recognizing these patterns helps therapists support clients in reclaiming their autonomy and making empowered choices. Therapy, after all, is about fostering an environment of openness, exploration, and empowerment, not one of control or coercion. By being vigilant about these dynamics, therapists can ensure their practice remains a safe and supportive space for genuine growth and exploration.
It’s easy to demonize cult members and leaders, painting them with a broad brush of negativity, but the truth is far more nuanced and complex. Most cult members genuinely believe they are acting in the best interests of their families and communities. For many, their actions are rooted in noble intentions—they have a deep desire to belong, to protect their loved ones, and to provide for them in what they perceive as a meaningful way. However, despite these virtuous intentions, abuse often finds its way into even the most well-intentioned environments, distorting the original goals.
Consider certain religious doctrines, for example. In some cases, when survivors of sexual abuse are encouraged, or even pressured, to forgive their perpetrators without giving them the space and time to process their trauma, it perpetuates cycles of harm that can last for generations. Forgiveness is undeniably a powerful and healing concept, but it should never take precedence over a survivor’s intrinsic need to heal and reclaim their sense of safety and autonomy.
This same dynamic—the tyranny of noble intentions—can also infiltrate the realm of therapy. When therapists allow their personal biases and beliefs to subtly influence the therapeutic process, inadvertently imposing their own values onto a client, it creates an unsafe and potentially harmful environment. In such situations, the boundaries between therapist and client blur, the client’s autonomy is undermined, and the foundational trust of the therapeutic relationship is compromised. By recognizing the complexity and potential pitfalls of these dynamics, we can work towards creating more supportive environments for all individuals involved.
Therapists carry an immense responsibility. Our clients trust us to guide them without judgment, to empower them to think critically and make their own decisions. But how do we ensure we don’t misuse our power?
Maintain Objectivity: Our beliefs should stay outside the therapy room. The goal is not to guide clients to our truth but to help them find their own.
Encourage Critical Thinking: Empower clients to question their narratives, decisions, and the influences in their lives, fostering independence.
Adhere to Codes of Ethics: Avoid dual relationships and prioritize transparency, integrity, and respect.
Build Networks: Collaboration with other professionals provides checks and balances, ensuring no single therapist becomes an unchecked authority.
Engage in Ongoing Consultation: Peer consultations ensure we remain accountable, gain fresh perspectives, and avoid cognitive echo chambers.
Accountability starts with us. By fostering an environment of openness and neutrality, we give our clients the freedom to explore their authentic selves without fear of judgment or manipulation.
Therapists regularly engage in challenging conversations. Whether it’s addressing exclusion, grappling with deep-seated beliefs, or confronting the harm a client has faced, these discussions require tact, empathy, and objectivity.
Building bridges in the therapy room is an ongoing craft. Sometimes, old bridges collapse under the weight of new revelations. When that happens, it’s our job to construct another one, rooted in trust and deeper understanding. This effort doesn’t just reflect our commitment to the therapeutic process—it ensures our clients always have a safe space to process their experiences.
Neutrality in therapy doesn’t mean indifference. It’s about acknowledging the multitude of life paths people can choose without endorsing one over another. This approach requires therapists to understand that every belief, choice, or ideology carries its own unique meaning and context for the client, even when these beliefs or choices stem from experiences of pain or harm. By maintaining neutrality, therapists can create a safe space for clients to explore their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
As therapists, we hold the delicate balance of encouraging critical exploration and reflection while also compassionately exposing harmful dynamics when they arise. This means being attuned to the emotional undertones and patterns in a client's narrative and gently guiding them to gain insights that might lead to personal growth and transformation. Neutrality, when guided by empathy and ethical grounding, becomes a powerful tool for healing—not a pathway to complacency. It allows clients to discover their own truths and paths to well-being, fostering resilience and self-awareness in the process.
Cults may exist on the fringes of society, but their influence reminds us of the vulnerabilities inherent in being human. The drive to belong, the fear of isolation, and the allure of certainty can lead even the most well-meaning individuals astray.
Therapy, at its best, is an antidote to these vulnerabilities. It’s a space where individuals can uncover their truths without fear of judgment, where they are empowered to think critically, and where their autonomy is fiercely protected.
The role of a therapist is not to lead but to walk alongside. By maintaining ethical integrity, fostering open discussions, and encouraging accountability, we ensure that our therapy rooms remain places of healing, growth, and freedom.
Stay tuned for our upcoming ethics course—it’s designed to deepen these discussions and equip therapists with tools to create truly safe and inclusive spaces.
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