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If I had a nickel for every time the word “grooming” or “groomer” was mentioned lately in the news, I could retire tomorrow. But, alas, ignorance doesn’t pay and quite frankly the way we are misinformed on childhood abuse guarantees I won’t ever have to retire. Consider this blog explaining what grooming actually means as a balm for your gnarled nerves. After all, knowledge is power and empowering parents and caregivers is one of my favorite pastimes.
I’ve got a confession to make. I am so sick of people finding out what I do for a living and then saying the absolute most out of pocket stuff to me followed by, “Well, you know, you’re a therapist.” Usually, the statement is about being hypersensitive, or empathic or having poor boundaries (they think it’s a good thing). Can’t relate. You know why? I went to school for 3 years to learn about boundaries and to understand that to be a good therapist I must be professional and ethical in my practice. And it’s just that—a practice. Since becoming a therapist, I have learned to NEVER compare myself to another professional. So, you’ll never find me saying, “I’m the hair stylist friend,” or “I’m the accountant of my friend group” because I have a deep abiding respect for other people’s professions and education. As the youth say, I stay in my lane. So here a few more things you should avoid saying when you find out someone is a therapist…
When the subject of sex comes up in session it is often in hushed whispers with eyes diverted to the ground. People (adults usually) are admitting out loud, sometimes for the first time ever, a part of themselves they have never had the chance to be vulnerable about or even explore in depth. Our sexuality is just as much a part of us as any other aspect of identity, but it is often unattended and undeveloped. Partly because we live in an erotophobic society and partly because we don’t truly ever receive quality, comprehensive sex education. So, what does that mean for us?
One of the beautiful things about therapy is the possibility it possesses. I have had the pleasure of witnessing growth right before my eyes as folks come to understand themselves on a deeper level. I am fortunate enough to have highly motivated clients who show up consistently, ready to hit the ground running and offer me the chance to point out incongruencies or patterns of behavior that can help them become better versions of themselves. But I have a secret to share with you—sometimes just showing up to session isn’t enough.
The frequency with which anxiety exists in our bodies can only be described as frenetic and unrelenting. A hive of bees when it is at its worst. An amalgamation of symptoms—elevated heart rate, dilated pupils, shortness of breath, tensed muscles. It’s no wonder those of us burdened with anxiety move quickly—from one task to another, constantly planning and waiting for the next crisis we will inevitably overthink. It’s taxing both emotionally and physically. To overcome such intense symptoms feels impossible. But what if it isn’t?
In this late stage capitalist hellscape, you will often hear, “We’re family here!” Which should serve as a giant red flag. Why, you ask? Because work is work. You are there to perform tasks and uphold responsibilities laid forth when you agreed to take the position and really, no more.
One of the first questions I ask a new client..... what is your opinion about medication, and what are your past experiences with medication? Often, clients are open to the idea of pursuing medication to address their symptoms and trust my clinical judgement when referring for medication management. Some clients have bad experiences with medication and let me know that they are reluctant to try again.
The therapeutic relationship is such a fascinating concept to me. I invite you, as my client, to join me, your therapist, in an intimate, vulnerable space with clear set boundaries. It seems like for many clients this is a novel experience. They are typically seeking counseling services to address interpersonal conflicts wrought with enmeshment and boundary violations. In these contexts, therapy can serve as a model for what positive, open relationships can look like in one’s life.
Can we talk about gender? I mean, it’s all that’s talked about these days and so it’s not a stretch to ask, but what if we really talked about it? Let’s say your child, your daughter in this example, comes to you and says, “Mom (or Dad or Grandma, you get the picture), I’m not a girl.” How do you react? What does this mean for you? Your family? Is your world turned upside down? It’s a lot to take in. Especially if you haven’t considered what gender means to you. So, let’s do that now.
Sex is something that most of us participate in, gain enjoyment from, and even utilize to create families. It’s something that people have shamed, derided, and made out to be a disgusting act (usually stemming from traumatic experiences, misinformation or implicit negative messaging). So I am choosing to talk about sex openly in my next few blogs--which makes me pretty radical. Did you know that Louisiana does not require instruction in sexual health education at any grade level but does allow sexual health education to be taught in grades 7th –12th?
