K.D. Holmes Blog

What if for your New Year's resolution you did not choose something that was perfectionistic, self-hating, idealistic, and counter to how you live your life? So many New Year's Resolutions are created from our emotional minds.  

What if you threw out expectations of yourself, idealized images, and cultural views super imposed upon you?  Do you think listening to these parts keeps you from giving into a hedonistic life style? What if you wiped your internal slate clean? Would it frighten you to choose from your authentic self?   

As I am trying to unpack a person's struggle I often think...What is it like to be you? What is it like to have your upbringing, to have your brain, and to manage all of that in your own way? For better or worse we are a culmination of genetics, social factors, and how we cope with both of these.

Sometimes in my office people are curious about me. Some ask what do I struggle with? There is an assumption that therapists do not struggle because of what they know. Knowing and doing are two different types of learning. I had an anxiety disorder for most of my life. I suffered from depression and anxiety when I was a child and young adult.  

Have you ever had a thought that just keeps popping up in your head? These kinds of thoughts can be images, phrases, even feelings that intrude upon an otherwise perfect moment. These intrusions are not hidden desires or even thoughts the sufferer wants to think. They just pop on in your head and terrify the suffer. In Obsessive Compulsive Disorder they get stuck, and play on repeat in your mind. Because once isn't terrifying enough, let's play that thought again and again, and compulsively check if it is still there.

I am told by my clients I am soft, easy to talk to, and silly. But objectively it's hard to gage when you work  alone in a room with one other person. Therapists are trained to be soft, warm, and do no harm. When we only do that, we create an environment for people to stay stuck, avoid, and ultimately not improve.  

There are so many new terms that float around social media. My favorite one right now is Neurodiversity.  This term has provided self compassion and acceptance of myself and ultimately my brain.

Conventionally, most people understand the concept of how our bodies operate. The brain, as the central processor, conjures up the command for an action, then, via the nervous system, sends the signal to the body part that needs moving or to the gland that will produce the hormones to signal the response that is needed.

I wish I could say that in all my inner wisdom I just knew I had to stop my overachieving and so I stopped...smh...that's how my perfectionistic brain expects things to go.  But the truth is much more brutal.  All real change is.  

The COVID-19 world crisis can be traumatic, especially since it has impacted the entire globe.  The terror, powerlessness, and shock can leave us with bothersome symptoms related to the “exposure to this event”.  This is a common trauma verbiage used in therapy… exposure to the event. If you have a pulse you have been exposed to this event.

So much of my practice centers around anxiety, trauma, phobias, panic disorder, obsessions, compulsions, and unhealthy coping patterns related to anxiety.  The COVID-19 is scary for many people, and it is a crisis.