Matrescence: It's Going to be a Bumpy Ride
Growing up I made a number of assumptions about who I was going to be and what my life would be like in adulthood. I assumed I would go to college,...
Folks who know me are well aware (and dare I say, tickled) at the way I am able to walk a very fine line between being rigidly rule-governed and, at the same time, aggressively rebellious (thank you, autism). I think this is one reason that I find myself being drawn to and working so well with clients who appreciate structure and also the beauty of going against social norms.
I have become a successful member of society with college degrees to my name. I have a really effective way of providing structure and discipline for my children. I have only been pulled over by a police officer once in my life. But I also know that blind obedience to the rules I am given and rules I create for myself is not helpful.
I like to blame this, half jokingly, on capitalism. This urge to work harder and longer, earn more, and then buy more puts so much pressure on working folks. I mean - look at the concept of the 9 to 5. I would love to have until 9:00am to begin my day!
In undergrad I would brag about how hard I worked all semester to the point that when I was finished taking my last final, I would always come down with some sort of illness. I was so proud of my sacrifices and my work ethic that putting my own health last was a strange badge of honor!
There were a few times in grad school where I came down with something and just couldn't shake it. I was so sick for so long. My body had enough and when I wasn't willing to put it as at least one of my priorities, it took over.
The research states that the average adult needs between 7-9 hours of sleep a night in order to function at a healthy, normal level (and there's research showing that neurodivergent folks actually need more sleep than neurotypical folks, too). In my experience, the idea of getting 7-9 hours of good sleep is rare. I took this as my first goal, and it opened me up to the world of rest.
When I was getting the sleep my body needed, my brain began to function in a way that it hadn't before:
The proof was in the pudding, and I was hooked. This new appreciation for sleep then transformed into a desire to give myself more rest throughout my day.
I began to notice things about the environment that I had likely missed before - the sounds of nature around me, the way my children looked at me when we played, the opportunities for connection with people around me...the world became so much more rich!
I also noticed new things about myself - the way my heart beats and I get a little shaky when I'm talking about something I'm really passionate about, my ability to decrease my anxiety in stressful situations by changing my breathing pattern, the intense emotions I feel when empathizing with the people around me...
I'm so sold on the value of rest now that it has become my main way of rebelling. I am so much more willing to say "no" when opportunities will interfere with my rest, and I am continually inviting people to join me.
Growing up I made a number of assumptions about who I was going to be and what my life would be like in adulthood. I assumed I would go to college,...
Humans are natural story tellers. We have long histories of using stories as a way to explain the unexplainable, to teach and guide our children, and...
When I talk to clients about their struggles, I notice a very familiar pattern that I find myself in: what causes the struggle becomes the focus of...