What is it Like to Work With KD?

I am told by my clients I am gentle, approachable, easy to talk to, and silly. However, working in a room with just one other person can make it challenging to objectively assess who I am as a therapist. We are trained to be warm and nurturing, solely embodying these traits fosters a stagnant environment where individuals remain stuck and are not motivated for change. This type of therapy increases suffering and more feelings of powerlessness.

After spending 17 years in this setting, I have reached a point where I can no longer passively listen to someone's suffering. I can't stand by and witness individuals endlessly circling their struggles, without guiding them towards evidence-based solutions. What I offer is hard work.  It is a path that takes courage, not a path of avoidance. It involves confronting your suffering. Instead of turning a blind eye, I am here to help you confront your inner demons, even when it feels easier to look away. Our innate response to danger is to avoid discomfort, but true growth lies in facing it head-on in a therapy office with a therapist trained using evidence based practices specifically designed for your diagnosis.

ACCEPTANCE, your own HUMANITY, and Mental Health

I'm here to guide you through reclaiming you, amid the complexity of your own suffering, your own history, your own biological differences.

Humanity is bound by a common thread of suffering, yet the glossy façade of social media often parades an illusion of immaculate lives – a far cry from reality. Deep down, we acknowledge the fallacy of these curated lives, yet the potent allure of those images ensnares us, trapping us in an emotional whirlpool.

The narratives spun by movies, social media, and literature often paint an idyllic picture of existence – one where every chapter of our lives concludes with 'and they lived happily ever after'. This narrative promises a life adorned with a seamless series of perfections: the dream house, the ideal job, children who never cease to amaze, pets that epitomize loyalty, and a physique that defies age. But this imagery, albeit captivating, is misleading.

Overachieving 

The pursuit of a 'happily ever after' is a myth I choose not to perpetuate within my office. Instead of fostering an environment that feeds into the relentless pursuit of perfection – a quest that only fuels addiction and escapism – I advocate for authenticity and acceptance. The chase for perfection coerces individuals into a frenetic cycle of highs, seeking one flawless achievement after another, which inevitably culminates in a crescendo of stress. This unbearable weight often leaves people seeking solace in the arms of alcohol, compulsive shopping, more achieving, or other addictive behaviors as a means to restore equilibrium to their frazzled nervous systems.

The constant strive for perfection, the incessant yearning for a perpetually blissful relationship, the overzealous dedication to projects at work or school to achieve flawless results, and the pressure mounted on children to excel in a plethora of extracurricular activities – all of these are symptomatic of a deeper problem. These actions stem from an inability to tolerate the mundane aspects of life or an inability to tolerated distress, ie suffering.

The endeavor to "have it all" is an arduous one, consuming vast amounts of time and energy – resources too precious to be squandered in the pursuit of what ultimately amounts to a mirage. This incessant quest for perfection, bolstered by selective sharing on social media platforms, only serves to amplify distress, creating a ripple effect of dissatisfaction and disillusionment across the globe.

My own relationship with overAchieving

For much of my life, specifically throughout my thirties and well into my forties, I was intimately familiar with a relentless, goal-driven mindset. It could have been the gradual wisdom that comes with age, or perhaps the countless nights lost to the anxiety that shadows such a lifestyle—the undeniable stress, the health issues I could no longer overlook—that compelled me to reevaluate my priorities. In the end, I made a conscious decision to pursue a life imbued with deeper significance over the fleeting satisfaction of achieving my objectives. It meant confronting my personal demons head-on, navigating through a tumultuous sea of emotions inherent to a life marked by high achievement. However, the reward has been profoundly gratifying—I discovered my true self and forged stronger bonds with the people and pets dear to me. These connections have become the essence of my existence.

Now, after 47 years of life's ebbs and flows, my aspirations have evolved. The allure of 'having it all' has faded, replaced by an appreciation for the authentic, ordinary days—the monotony, the moments of profound meaning, and even those mornings when the world outside my blankets holds no appeal. I've come to realize it's in the nuances of daily life where true value lies—in the simple acts of hugging my partner, Steve, in our shared laughter as we watch our dogs play, in the heartfelt text from my nieces and family, and in witnessing clients confront their own fears.

My passion for what I do serves as a powerful reminder of the boundless potential within each of us.

Indeed, facing our trials is daunting, yet immeasurably easier with the right support (envisioning the comforting and safe confines of a therapist's office here) that is moving you towards the goals you want, not matter how terrifying they may be. Laughter aside, it's a testament to human resilience and our profound capacity for change.

Exploring the Depths of "Suffering": A Comprehensive Understanding

"Suffering" is a term that encapsulates a wide spectrum of emotional, psychological, and physical experiences that challenge our sense of well-being. It is universal, yet uniquely personal in how it manifests in each of our lives. Below, we dissect the core elements often associated with suffering painting a more descriptive picture of what it entails:

• Self-Criticism

  • The relentless inner dialogue that critiques every action, thought, and decision, often leading to a crippling cycle of doubt and inhibition.

• The Pursuit of Perfection 

  • A relentless drive for excellence to the point of overachieving and perfectionism, where satisfaction remains perpetually out of reach, overshadowed by the fear of failure.

• Anxiety

  • The pervasive feeling of unease, worry, fear, rumination about everyday situations, which can escalate into overwhelming panic attacks, inhibiting one's ability to function freely in daily life.

• Phobias

  • Intense fears about bridges, vomit, social situations, ect....that grip individuals, leading to anxiety and safety behaviors, including avoidance, as ineffective coping.

• Depression

  • More than just feeling sad, it's an engulfing state of persistent melancholy and apathy towards life that drains the color and joy from everyday experiences.

• Anger or Rage

  • Intense feelings of frustration and hostility that can suddenly erupt over minor provocations, often masking deeper unresolved issues.

• Loneliness and Emptiness

  • A profound sense of isolation and disconnection, not just from others but from oneself, leading to feelings of insignificance and absence.

• Relationship Challenges

  • The complexities and difficulties encountered in personal connections with others, which can become sources of deep emotional pain and misunderstanding.

• Traumatic Events

  • Experiences that deeply shock or disturb, leaving long-lasting impacts on one’s emotional and psychological well-being.

• Obsessions and Compulsions

  • The uncontrollable, recurring thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions) that one feels compelled to repeat, often interfering with daily life. 

• Intrusive thoughts and images

  • Unwelcome and unsettling mental images or thoughts that invade one's mind without warning.

• Body Tensions

  Physical manifestations of psychological stress, manifesting as muscle tightness, headaches, and other bodily discomforts.

• Neurological Differences

  • The impact of the ADHD Hyperactive and Inattentive subtypes on our mental well-being is significant.

  • Autism can shed light on various challenges clients face, often stemming from subtle differences that have a significant impact on mental health.

  • Pathological Demand Avoidance, a behavioral profile on the autism spectrum and in ADHD, can significantly influence our responses to life's demands and challenges.

• Sensory Differences

  • These differences impact functioning, such as auditory sensitivities, visual sensitivities, interoception, and proprioception differences can contribute to heightened levels of anxiety and depression.

The role of therapy in navigating the murky waters of suffering cannot be overstated. Therapy offers solutions tailored to one's unique circumstances. While the approaches may vary from gentle, explorative methods for milder issues, to more direct, structured strategies for severe to moderate mental health challenges, the goal remains the same: to find understanding, and ultimately solutions that work.

Whatever form your suffering takes, know that it’s not an endless tunnel. With the right support and resources, it's possible to emerge on the other side with a deeper understanding of how to navigate your inner world.

Effective Therapy is grounded in evidence-based approaches

Each individual, with their own intricate tapestry of history, biology, preferences, and mental health landscapes, finds a tailored path within these walls. It's understood that while the route to psychological well-being isn't one-size-fits-all, its core components are universal, yet uniquely experienced.

In my office therapy is a place where we:

• Delve into the depths of your inner and outer world, charting a course with the most effective steps that will lay down the foundation for a more fulfilling life.
• Unearth your deepest needs, desires, and wishes — elements that many have long been taught to suppress, judge, or shame. It's a powerful reconciliation with one’s true self, recognizing and honoring these vital aspects of our humanity. (No more masking)
• Illuminate and confront both big and little traumatic events that have cast shadows on your life, acknowledging that these experiences shape, but do not define us. We process these events to release them from your nervous system.
• Decode the genetic blueprints we've inherited, understanding how they play a pivotal role in our lives, yet recognizing that we have the agency to shape our lives with our DNA.
• Engage in the thought action (mindfulness practice) of naming our experiences, a crucial step towards finding practical, effective solutions.
• Tackle barriers head-on, employing therapeutic strategies that significantly enhance our overall functioning and ultimately our self esteem. 
• Wrestle with intrusive thoughts, learning to coexist with our inner demons. It's a process of acceptance, exposure and ultimately, empowerment.
• Examine sensory sensitivities and the body’s reaction to stress, gaining insights into the subtle ways our environment affects us and learning strategies to find solutions that work and manage sensory overwhelm.

Therapy is a process; a journey of discovery, self-acceptance, and change. It's about discovering who we are, finding coherence and meaning in our stories, and navigating the complexities of life with newfound clarity and tools on how to navigate your struggles more effectively.

Evidence-based therapeutic interventions are the foundation of effective support

Exposure and Response Prevention

Confronting Disturbing Thoughts - Imagine learning to coexist with the shards of glass within you. We will address the thoughts and behaviors that disturb and distract you from your path.

Mindfulness Practices - Adopting thought hygiene to anchor your mind in the now, fully immersing in the tapestry of your life, and accepting disturbances.

Overcoming Compulsive Behaviors - Gradually abstaining from compulsions, whether seemingly positive or negative, significantly influence your mental health.

Trauma: Deep Brain Reorienting & Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

We endeavor to release the grip of past events embedded in your nervous system, events that currently shape your reactions and symptoms.

Neurodiversity Affirming Therapy

The unique biological variations present in individuals with ADHD, Autism, and Sensory Differences shape how we perceive the world and navigate coping. Understanding and embracing your biological makeup is crucial for effective therapy.

Remember, We Are All Human

While some possess innate skills to manage their mental health, many of us must actively cultivate these skills. For some, self-directed resources like videos and books suffice. However, others benefit immensely from an objective perspective—an expert to illuminate their mental health barriers and provide the tools needed to venture through the complex labyrinth of their mental health.

Therapy: Your First Step to Owning yourself

Therapy is not just a space but a starting point to reclaiming your autonomy and navigating your mental and emotional landscape with clarity. Here, we begin the journey towards owning your story and ultimately entire yourself.