What is it like to work With KD?

KD Holmes, LPC, MS, LPC, EMDR Certified

I am told by my clients I am soft, easy to talk to, and silly. But objectively it's hard to gage when you work  alone in a room with one other person. Therapists are trained to be soft, warm, and do no harm. When we only do that, we create an environment for people to stay stuck, avoid, and ultimately not improve.  

After 15 years alone in the rooms, I can no longer be complacent in another's story. I can't stand by and watch another's suffering with a warm heart. It feels wrong to watch you chase your own tail, to watch you come week after week and not show you the evidenced based way out.  

What I am offering is hard work. It is not the softer way. It is not avoidance, it is facing your suffering within you that will set you free. I am here to encourage emotional freedom, not by running away and enabling but by staring it in the eyes, when all you want to do is look away. We are biologically made to "look away" to fight flight or freeze or fawn in the face of danger.  

I am here to help you stand your ground with your own suffering!  

All humans struggle with suffering. But on social media all we see is flawless lives that are not real. Somewhere inside we all know this to be true, but images are so powerful that it's hard not to get caught in this emotional trap.

Movies, social media, and books foretell a life where we live happily every after. We get our perfect house, perfect job, perfect kids, perfect pets, perfect body, etc... You get the picture!

I don't believe we live happily every after. I do not propagate this lie in my office. It creates addictions and avoidance by encouraging the rush and euphoria of meeting our perfect goals. This perfectionistic goal cycle then overwhelms a person's body through creating so much stress that alcohol, shopping addictions, and other addictions are the only way to level your nervous system out. Avoidance and addictions decrease one’s tolerance for distress. People avoid monotony, keep wanting that perfect relationship where we are always in the honeymoon, they overwork projects at work and in school to ensure perfect outcomes, and they pressure their kids with so many extra curricular activities.
 

“To have it all” takes a lot of time and work. Time that seems to precious to be wasted. "Having it all" is an impossible perfect goal that by selectively posting on social media, we propagate and further increase distress in the world.   

I know this mindset; I lived it for most of my thirties and into my forties. Maybe it is age that has softened me, maybe it’s all those sleepless nights consumed by the anxiety of living that way, the amounts of stress I could not ignore, and then medical issues eventually forced me to look at this pattern. Ultimately I have chosen a life of deeper meaning over the rush of meeting my goals! I have chosen to face my own inner dragons. And it has been a rough ride! There are a lot of emotions driving any high achieving life.  But in the end I got myself, and deeper connections with the people and pets I love!!!  It’s building these connections that matters most to me!
 

After 45 years of living, I don't want it all. I like my real life, where some days are monotonous, some days are meaningful, and some days I wish I could stay in bed. It's the grey that holds meaning. Its how I weave myself into those moments where Steve and I hug, we laugh as we watch our dogs, my nieces and family send a simple text, and last but not least when a client faces their own dragons.  

I love what I do, it's an affirmation that humans are capable of so much more than we ever can imagine.

Facing our suffering is possible with the right kind of support! (Imagine a therapist's office) lol

What is "suffering"?

  • Self criticism
  • Overachieving, Perfectionism
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Anger or rage
  • Loneliness, emptiness (feelings of absence)
  • Relationship problems
  • Traumatic events
  • Obsessions and compulsions
  • Body tensions

Anytime someone says this is impossible. I accept the challenge and begin there impossible journey.  

Therapy helps you find solutions for your life. For mild mental health issues the solutions can vary, but for severe to moderate mental health issues, the solution is direct and structured. 

Therapy is based on evidence based approaches that produce outcomes.

Each one of us is a unique individual with our own history, biological predispositions, preferences, and resulting mental health diagnosis. There is not one path to healthy living, but there are general psychological well-being components. These components can vary from person to person throughout the therapeutic process.

Therapy is a place where we...

  • Explore your inner and outer world - In order to discover what steps will pave the road to a better you.

  • Discover your needs, your desires, and your wants - Most humans have spent years disowning, shaming, and judging what they need, want, and desire.

  • Identify big or little traumatic events has created suffering.  

  • Identify genetic predispositions we have inherited.

  •  Name it! - Through the process of naming something we are able to find solutions.  

  • Identify barriers, and find therapeutic evidenced based solutions that work, to impact our self esteem, our well being, and our overall functioning.  

  •  Identify thoughts, accept the terror of these thoughts, and live a life with these inner foes

  • Identify sensory sensitivities, and the way our brain reacts to stress in our bodies

All these things collide to create different diagnoses!

We are all unique so it takes the right guidance to face our suffering.

I am here to provide guidance, consultation, expertise, and an objective perspective.

Authentic Living

A big piece of what I do is to help you to discover who you naturally are, and how to increase meaning and your overall well being.

Exposure to Disturbing Thoughts

To learn to live with the sand/glass inside you. addressing thoughts and actions that are blocking you, disturbing you, and distracting you.

Edgy Mindfulness Practice

Thought hygiene to help your mind stay in the present moment, present with your life.

Guided Meditation

To create relaxing internal body sensations and release disturbing memories and feelings, and increase good feelings.

Abstaining From Compulsive Behaviors

Done gradually, whether good or bad behaviors these greatly impact your mental health.

Trauma Work

To release events stuck in your nervous system shaping your reactions and symptoms today.

Remember - We are all human

Some people already know how to cope with their mental health issues, but most of us have to work to develop these skills. Some of us can learn by watching videos and reading self help books. But others need an objective party consulting on their mental health, identifying their barriers to treatment, and to provide tools to guide them through their inner maze of emotions, urges, and thoughts.  

Therapy is the place to begin to Own Yourself!

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